Religion

Religion is beautiful.
For the longest time I haven't allowed myself to believe in God. I've wanted to take credit for every one of my accomplishments; I've wanted to owe nothing to anyone and everything to myself. I've revolted against the thought of something 'divine,' something with power over everything, using that power to ease my path in life. I've been selfish and arrogant.
There are things I can not find an explanation for; there are explanations for things which I cannot accept. Mainly, I cannot perceive our universe as a product of a 'big bang.' I can’t be as simple as that. Nor can I believe that humans, as complicated as we are, as evil as we seem, as benevolent as we can be, have been, and will be, as intelligent yet foolish, strong and at the same time weak, have come to be by mere chance.
Religion is beautiful because it is pure, it is selfless, it is honorable, devote, and admirable. Pure because it symbolizes untainted faith, selfless because it requires nothing but faith, honorable because faith can disgrace no one, devote because it doesn't disappoint those who have faith, and admirable because it is something I have been unable to attain.
I'm certain there is some sort of God, divinity or greater concept for me to discover, but I'm still uncertain whether everything in this world is owed to it. I read a lot, and for the most part it has been in search of what God means to me. I was raised Catholic, but I no longer consider myself to be Catholic. I'm not sure if I even believe in Jesus, or The Bible, or anything. For now all I know is that I need to find something to believe in.
For me to find God will be difficult. But if and when I do, I think it will prove even harder for me to accept him.

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*** Copied over from my old blog reneruizj.blogspot.com.